Losers Like Us: Redefining Discipleship After Epic Failure by Daniel Hochhalter

Author:Daniel Hochhalter [Hochhalter, Daniel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: New Testament, Christian Living, Personal Growth, Ministry & Evangelism, Christian, Bible Study & Reference, Christian Books & Bibles, Biographies, Religion & Spirituality, Discipleship
Amazon: B00JFJGBOG
Publisher: David C. Cook
Published: 2014-08-02T00:00:00+00:00

2. William Barclay, The Gospel of John, Vol. 2, The Daily Study Bible Series, rev. ed. (Philadelphia, PA: The Westminster Press, 1975), 277.

10

THE EGOTIST

OH LORD, IT’S HARD TO BE HUMBLE

Throughout my life, I have always sought self-worth through achievement. Achievement, I thought, brings status, and status brings value. I feared that when achieving ceased, my status would crash and my value would evaporate. So when my PhD collapsed, my sense of worth did too.

The day it happened is burned into my brain.

After flying eight thousand miles from Oregon to England and taking the train to the town where my school was located, I settled into my room and tried to get some sleep. The next morning I took a bus to the university campus, found the right building, and walked into the appointed meeting room for my oral defense with two examiners I’d never met before. I was nervous and jet-lagged, but my advisor had assured me that since my work had been meticulously reviewed and approved by him and my other (US) advisor, I could think of this final step as almost a formality—like an academic discussion among peers. I was prepared for it to be tough and thorough, but also fair and respectful.

Within minutes, I saw that it was not to be that way for me. From the moment I entered the room there was a distinct chill—an ominous lack of smiles and pleasantries. The interview had barely begun when one examiner quoted a line from my dissertation and stated, with visible agitation, “How can you say that? That is indefensible!”

With a sinking feeling, I asked, “Then why am I here?”

The examiner then took issue with the second word in my title. She was skeptical of the concept; in fact, her speech was clenched and her lip curled in disdain. And the other examiner did not contradict her.

As the interview progressed, my stomach twisted tighter and tighter. It was as if my advisors and I had been going due north for seven years, and now these two new faces were telling me I should have been headed south.

I had fully expected my work to be challenged, corrected, even picked apart. But I did not expect what happened next.

After forty-five grueling minutes of trying everything I could to correct what felt (to me) like an insurmountable bias and move the discussion in a direction that felt (to me) like a more reasoned and mutual debate based on the academic literature, the two examiners asked me to leave the room for a few agonizing moments, then called me back in and announced their decision.

My dissertation was rejected. All hope of discussion was gone. The decision was made.

Then came the last bombshell. In the final decision, I was not allowed to rewrite and resubmit my work for a PhD. The university would never grant me that degree, no matter what revisions I made or how much more work I did.

Wait—what? As my ears struggled to understand the news, my brain was already starting to weigh its far-reaching implications.

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